Survival Guide to Turning 30 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The stress of turning the big 3-0 is definitely compounded when you live in a foreign country far away from your family and friends and are currently jobless and homeless.  Fortunately for me, when I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.  True story.
Stressed but awesome.  

Survival Guide Tips:
1. Start prepping everyone for your upcoming big day.  Explain that just because the word "day" is part of the word "birthday" this does not mean that one should only celebrate for one day.  Especially when that day is a lame one, like a Wednesday.  Yes, Wednesday, I'm calling you out for being a sucky day.  Try to do better next time; strive to be Friday, Friday knows what's up.

2. If your birthday happens to fall smack dab in the middle of the week plan fun events for the weekends on either end. 
Pre-birthday weekend festivities: 4th of July BBQ
Post-birthday weekend festivities: Trip to Masai Mara to watch the Great Migration

3. Surround yourself with people who have already turned the life-changing age so they can provide reassurances that having a 3 in front of your age is not so scary.  Shun your younger friends who take enjoyment from your downward spiral into adulthood.  Take names so you can exact revenge when their big day comes.

4. Ignore your friends' suggestion that you have a drink for every year you are turning.  "That could be interesting" is not the correct response.  Ignore their rationalizations that 30 drinks over a week is completely possible and the fact that you live in Kenya is not a good enough reason for you to try and accomplish this feat.

5. Chocolate is the key to getting you through this nerve-wracking time.  Little known fact*: Chocolate will end world hunger, cure cancer, and, if used correctly, bring world peace.  
*More of a hypothesis than a fact.  But it is known to induce happiness when taken in large portions.

6. Give yourself permission to pig out at your birthday dinner AND eat dessert.
 Mmmm, flan.

7. Realize that being another year older just means you have maintained your awesome status for an entire year and embrace the fact that you get to bask in your awesomeness indefinitely.

Life After the World Cup

Life in Kenya and the mania surrounding the World Cup brought out the very hidden, unknown soccer fanatic in me.  I am certain that I have watched more sports in general and soccer specifically than ever before in my life.  However, now that the World Cup has concluded and Team Orange sadly lost to the Spanish hotties, I'm not sure what to do with all of my free time.  Life before the World Cup is hard to remember so I've come up with this list of suitable replacement activities for how to spend your new found leisure time.

1. Stock up your google reader with an excessive amount of blogs.  My current favorite is Hyperbole and a Half; Allie Brosh is hilarious.  And she likes David Sedaris and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.  It will suck you in and you then you will look up and realize that you've been reading blogs rather than being productive for hours on end.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

2. Check facebook frequently.  Upload pictures to facebook from the fun times you had watching the World Cup.  Read through your newsfeed to catch up on all the posts your friends made while you were sleeping.  Look to see if any of your friends are online to chat with even though it's 3 am their time and 11 am where you live.  Cyberstalk Alan Tudyk.  

3. Research the next two 25 page papers you have due in a month.  Do this instead of reading blogs and checking facebook.

4. Catch up on correspondence.  Respond to old emails.  Write new ones.  Look to see if any of your friends are on gchat even though it's 3 am their time and 11 am where you live.

5. Work on consulting/volunteer work.  Meet with volunteer agency.  Write proposals.  Be productive in general.  

6. Go to the mall and wander aimlessly, like you're a 15 year old.  Go to another mall and watch Twilight, like you're a 15 year old. 

7. Be touristy.  Visit the giraffes and feed them.  Visit the elephants and adopt one.  Visit the park and play safari. 

8. Write a blog post.  Brainstorm new blog posts.  Look through pictures to see if there is anything entertaining/random you can include in your blog post.  

 You're welcome.

9. Walk a mile to Java.  Sit, read/research, eat, listen to your ipod, stare aimlessly into space, people-watch, walk back.

10. Recruit friends to entertain you. 
      a. Watch numerous bootleg movies.  Brainstorm new movies/tv shows to buy for only 100 KSH. 
      b. Go to dinner/drinks/late night-early morning dance parties at various shady establishments.
      c. Convince them to cook dinner for you in trade for wine and beer.