Dating Dos and Don'ts: Why I Don't Date

I was asked recently why I don't date with regular frequency here.  My auto response is that even though I meet a lot of people here I am picky about who I attracted to and the quality of person with whom I want to spend my free time.  However I realized recently this is not the sole reason for my careful choosing of potential dates.

As I have discussed in other posts cheating is generally a culturally acceptable practice in Kenya.  Some argue that this is not a problem specific to this country and men throughout the world act similarly.  I disagree with this; I think guys in the West are less likely to cheat on their spouse with someone who is unaware of their marital status.  Most married guys in the US wear rings and while they might have affairs it seems like both parties are aware of the situation instead of one being oblivious to the other person's status.  I will concede that while I don't think this is indicative of all men's attitudes in general, it is more likely to occur amongst Western men who live the expat lifestyle or work in the development sector of many third world countries.  The transitory nature of expat lifestyles, especially those on three to six month short-term contracts, lends itself to men to be unfaithful.  Men who might be very committed to their significant others while in the same country seem to think that while they are living abroad they have a free pass to act however they please.  I also believe that because the traditional family system in much of sub-Saharan Africa is patriarchal  many men believe they can get away with cheating because their wives will not speak up for fear of losing the person who is generally the source of their livelihoods.  This is why many NGOs focus on educating women and girl-children so they never have to feel like they are solely reliant on a man for support or survival. 

In saying this, I don't care if your significant other is a just a girlfriend and not a wife, if you are seeing someone you still have the responsibility to tell the new person you are seeing about the other woman.  And furthermore, don't ask other people out on dates if you are in a serious relationship.  If you're not happy then figure out your current situation with that person before bringing a third person into the mix. What do you think?  

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