Spam and Procrastination

I rarely delve into the black hole that is my spam mail but this week I was looking for a lost email that I hoped had been misdirected into said folder.  Instead I discovered a plethora of junk emails offering me the opportunity to check my credit, order Viagra (titled "This===will help you!===Soon holidays!" because that makes sense), meet 1000s of single parents, and messages from supposed long lost friends.  Tired of not finding my lost email, annoyed by the numerous scam messages I was finding, procrastinating from finishing my final paper of my masters program, and because I have turned into an incurable insomniac and am very bored very early in the morning, I decided to respond:

Dear my Good Friend,

I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you. But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Funds out of the country to someone else who was capable of assisting me in this great venture. Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $800,000.00 (EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) I have authorized the finance house where I deposited my money to issue you international certified bank draft cashable at your bank.

The name and contact address of the Person with it is Mr.Robert Srodulski is as follows:

CONTACT AGENT Mr.Robert Srodulski
EMAIL:  robertsrodulski9

At the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which myself and my new partner are having at hand. Finally, remember that I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on your behalf to send the bank draft to you as soon as you contact them without delay. Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart. Contact Mr.Robert Srodulski now. Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hope to hear from you soon.
Best Regards,

Mr. Mike Walkman.
NC 27609.


From: Captain Awesome
To: wally
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2010
Subject: Re: REPLY

Dear Person I Have Never Heard Of, Therefore NOT My Good Friend:

There is no reason to thank me for your incompletion of our "deal."  That just shows me that you have no follow through.  You know who else has no follow through?  Cats.  They say they love you, but as soon as you leave them and return after a few months they can't be trusted.  They snub you and pretend you don't exist. 

Really?  You're going to give me $800,000.00 (EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS)?!  Wow, just for playing my dutiful role as the moron who didn't figure out that this was a scam.  Why jolly good, sir, please do pay me for the honor.  As I am sure this is a fully legal and legitimate business transaction and you clearly know my trustworthiness I would like to ask you to BITE ME.  Stop scamming people and get a real job.

Your Bestie

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